Day Post + 9: Crash and Burn

Day Post + 9: Crash and Burn

Date24 Aug ( Saturday )


Total This Camino: 239 miles.
Total 2024 Caminos: 353 miles
Total All Caminos: 2353 miles
Lodging:
Total Lodging: $ 1575
Planes: $ 1500 (round trip)
Total Planes /
Travel Insurance: 		$ 2100 / $ 246
Buses / Trains / Taxis:
Total Buses / Trains / Taxis: $ 275
Food: $ 
Total Food: $ 878

Something has changed

Going through an unbelieveable "crash and burn", and I don't know why.

I have all my usual post camino routines complete, e.g. 
  • getting the car up to snuff
  • checking with my doctors re medical appts
  • catching up with my social organizations in terms of committments, responsibilities, etc
  • prepping for the upcoming school season (student, not teacher)
And yet so much makes so little sense to me right now. 

I find myself wondering "What is the point?" This is strange because on prior caminos, I have returned re-invigorated and ready for action.

I find that I don't care about my German classes.

I find that I am going thru the motions for my search and rescue boatcrew qualifications.

And I get really, really annoyed at stupid drivers. This is a real difference because in the past, I prided myself on having lots of restraint while driving. Bear in mind, I am not having road rage ... I am a safe driver. I'm just really annoyed at others.

Today as I was driving and listening to some SiriusXM channel, they played Evanescence's "Bring Me to Life". Even prior to this camino, something must have been up within me. 

The song is a plea to restore humanity to the singer, to give a purpose, to find something in her core to give her a reason. 

I don't know what was so fascinating to me about the song, back on April 17th, but something was stirring.

Yet during the entirety of my Camino Norte from Bilbao to Ribadeo, all was forgotten about these thoughts. 



Ponte Dos Santos, Ribadeo (crossing from Asturias into Galicia)



I remember 
  • white caps breaking on the incredibly high coastal cliffs, 
  • mudflats on beaches where the tide had receded and the sand oozed between my toes, 
  • green farms with livestock looking at me as I passed - sometimes singing to me (or so I imagined), 
  • tall tall fields of corn in which I could have submerged myself
  • plazas full of families as I had a coffee con leche or a cerveza or a wine, intoxicated by visual and audio stimulation of people celebrating whatever - even just that it was evening
  • the serenity of a mountain top after a ball-busting climb
  • the serenity of a valley, surrounded by mountains as I walked along the trail
  • so, so many things that brought peace and tranquility.
And now I am back home and something about my life is not right.

*** Sidenote: It is now Tuesday (Aug 27), and things are much better. Perhaps taking the time to blog and put it all down in writing somewhere helped.

Bring Me To Life by Evanescence


How can you see 
into my eyes like open doors? 
Leading you down into my core 
Where I've become 
so numb 
Without a soul 
My spirit's sleeping somewhere cold 
Until you find it there 
and lead it back home 

Wake me up inside 
     (save me) 
Call my name 
and save me from the dark 
     (wake me up) 

Bid my blood to run 
     (I can't wake up) 
Before I come undone 
     (save me) 
Save me from the nothing I've become 

Now that I know what I'm without 
You can't just leave me 
Breathe into me 
and make me real 
Bring (bring) me (me) to life 

Wake me up inside 
     (save me) 
Call my name 
and save me from the dark 
     (wake me up) 
Bid my blood to run 
     (I can't wake up) 
Before I come undone 
     (save me) 
Save me from the nothing I've become 
Bring me to life 

I've been living a lie 
There's nothing inside 
Bring me to life 

Frozen 
     (frozen) 
inside without your touch 
Without your love, darling 

Only 
     (only) 
you are the life among the dead 
All of this time, 

I can't believe 
I couldn't see 
Kept in the dark, 
but you were there in front of me 

I've been sleeping a thousand years, it seems 
Got to open my eyes to everything 

Without a thought, 
without a voice, 
without a soul 

Don't let me die here 
     (There must be something more) 
bring me to life 

Wake me up inside 
     (save me) 
Call my name 
and save me from the dark 
     (wake me up) 
Bid my blood to run 
(I can't wake up) 
Before I come undone 
     (save me) 
Save me from the nothing I've become 
Bring me to life 

I've been living a lie 
There's nothing inside 

Bring me to life 

=======================================
Source: LyricFind 
Songwriters: Amy Lee / Ben Moody / David Hodges 
Bring Me to Life lyrics © Reservoir Media Management, Inc



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